More time please?!?

Magnum, PI is very supportive and has no problems with his post-docs starting families. In fact, he was quite excited when I told him I was expecting and immediately told me not to worry about any decreased productivity that I might experience during the time before and after I gave birth. He went on to tell me about several other female post-docs that started families while in his lab that were able to balance work and life and move on to successful careers. This was wonderful news and it was a relief that he was fine with and understood that a decrease in productivity would to occur. Unfortunately, I was not fine with this then and I am still not fine with it now. It nags at me.

The fact that my project went to hell in a hand-basket this summer does not ease the constant nagging voice that tells me I am falling behind, that I am not producing enough data, that I am not getting as much done each day as I possibly can. I know that I just can’t work the hours that I used to, yet I refuse to except that this means that my productivity must also slow down. (I know, it's silly, but it's how I feel.) As a result, I’ve tried to make up for the lack of time in the lab by trying to utilize every single minute of time. I make plans, I organize accordingly and I multi-task like it’s going out of style. Unfortunately, I still find ways of not getting everything done and it drives me crazy and makes for a cranky MXX.

Take today for instance. I chose to stay home for a few hours this morning so that I could write and submit an abstract for ASM. I can’t seem to get a lot of writing done at work due to constant interruptions, but by staying at home, experiments are not getting done. I prefer to write the abstract at work during incubations, PCRs, etc. I tried this initially, but it didn't work out. On to plan B; work on the abstract at home during the evening. Unfortunately, my husband is working around the clock this week as a major deadline is approaching for him, so all child care falls 100% on my shoulders. Mini-xx goes to sleep at 7:30, but that’s when the never-ending chores start. After that I just want to go to pass out. So, on to plan C; take a few hours at home and push the abstract out the door while simultaneously NOT doing experiments. This is what I did, but I feel like it wasn't the best use of my time. I always think I can be doing something else while writing, especially something as lame as an abstract.

Anyway. The decreased productivity is constantly on my mind. I recently brought this up to Magnum, PI during a brief conversation. I stated to him that I was not pleased with how far behind I had fallen regarding my project. Specifically, I anticipated a paper being submitted at this point. He looked at me like he thought I was crazy and told me he was more than pleased with my work since joining his lab. He told me he thought I was too ambitious and that my expectations were slightly unrealistic. I’m glad that he is happy and it’s great that he is pleased with my progress, but somehow this doesn’t quiet the voice in my head and unfortunately, I still can’t see how my expectations are unreasonable.

To me the expectations aren’t the problem, I am. Cutting myself slack is not something I have ever been able to do. Instead, I’ve decided that I need to find a way to add another 5 hours to my time in the lab…at least until I get back on track. Putting in an extra hour or two everyday is not going to work. This would completely fuck up things at home and besides, I need a chunk of time. So, I’m thinking that if I can stay until 10pm two days a week (instead of just one), then maybe I can begin to get back on track. The downside is obvious, I will miss another night with mini-xx. On the plus side, it will keep me from putting in serious hours on the weekend, which I don’t want to do as these are the only two full days I get to spend with my family.

Oh I don't know. Now that I am reading what I've written, it does sound a bit crazy.

Good riddance 2010

Although 2010 brought great enjoyment to my life; the birth of my first child in April and submitting a successful post-doctoral fellowship application, Thanksgiving to Christmas sucked some serious ass. First of all mini-xx got sick and then my husband and I got mildly sick. Not that big of a deal. Just sore throats and snot. He chose to stay home for a few days, while I stayed home for one day. By the end of the week his mild sickness was gone and I was sicker than ever. I ended up staying home another three days with a horrible cough that didn't fully clear up until around Christmas. During that cold medicine-induced haze, I made and totally fucked up a reagent that is essential for an assay I am performing. Of course, I didn't realize at the time I messed it up. Oh no, that realization didn't come until the end of December after multiple assay failures. On the one hand - it was an easy fix. On the other hand - it was a stupid mistake and I feel like an idiot.

So far 2011 is going well. I am NOT coughing my ass off and my assay is working again! As a result, I should actually generate data again by the end of the week.

Although meager, the statement above is enough to make me pretty happy, but Magnum, PI recently informed me of something fanFUCKINGtastic. He is going to get me an anaerobic chamber. This is huge, because I need this piece of equipment to get my project for my own lab moving. No more band-aid solutions!!

I hope that everyone else is going strong on day 10 of 2011.

Serenity Now!

Recently, I went from sharing an office with an insanely disgruntled grad student to sharing an office with an over-emotional post-doc (OEP) and all I can say is, I want the disgruntled grad student back.

OEP is working on a project that includes elements that are out of Magnum, PI’s (and the rest of the labs) expertise. However, I happen to know a shit-ton about this subject and as a result, I am the go-to person. In general, I don't mind this. I think part of working in a lab includes passing down knowledge and assisting your fellow lab mates. I draw the line at hand-holding.

At first, I tried to help. I explained concepts, techniques and went out of my way to make sure OEP knew where to look for information, and fielded numerous questions. This area was unfamiliar territory for OEP and I was happy to help. After a while, I expected OEP to take charge of the project and use me for troubleshooting or discussing data. I am willing to help, but the person I am helping needs to help themselves as well. Unfortunately, it seems like I am basically steering the project and I am wondering if OEP can function as an independent researcher.

I am constantly called on to look at data, explain data, explain what experiments to do next, etc. When I ask basic questions about results, I don’t get answers, I get blank stares. When I inquire about reading into certain topics I get answers like, “I didn’t know I should look at that.” When I ask, what are the limitations of this program or technique you are using, I get more blank stares. In a nutshell, OEP seems clueless.

Now, I would imagine that not having a clue is frustrating and I assume that this is why OEP breaks down in tears every other week. I am sympathetic, but to a point. I don't want to come to work and deal with someone crying or complaining about how they should just give up. It's exhausting and not to sound like a bitch, but I really don't have time for this. I've actually got my own projects to work on.

Am I being to hard on OEP? Maybe. When I started in this lab, I didn't know what the fuck I was doing, but I learned. I read many papers, I researched protocols, techniques, machines and brushed up on my biochemistry (big time). And yes, I asked my lab mates and Magnum, PI questions, but no one was holding my hand telling me what to do.

I'm at a loss as to what I should do. I don't even know that there is anything I can do. There really isn't anyone else in the lab that can help OEP. I don't want OEP to fail, but I am not willing to sacrifice half my time to steer another project and pick up the pieces every other week.

Week in review

In the lab:

Like everyone, my week in the lab featured it's fair share of ups and downs. Unfortunately, it also featured some stupid.

The ups:

Successfully electroporated notoriously difficult strain after being told it couldn't be done. (Yeah, don't tell me that if you want me to stop.)

Purified six proteins (of 12) for final replicate. This means my paper will likely be out by the end of the year.

The downs:

Cleaned up after one to many lab members and as a result, went off in lab meeting.

Dropped a bucket full of tubes containing turbid, smelly cultures. Of course, the tubes broke and there was glass and nastiness everywhere.

The stupid:

Performed FPLC without attaching the column to the machine. Doh!

Working Late and Loving It

Since going back to work post-baby, my time in the lab is much shorter in duration. On the one hand, I get to the lab about 2 hours earlier, but I leave by 4:00, 4:30 at the latest. This is due to the fact that my husband gets mini-xx ready in the morning (minus the feeding) while I pick her up in the afternoon. There is no more staying late because something didn't work the first time or because I got an unexpected result and I want to add another experiment to my day. Nope. It ends at 4:30 whether I like it or not. As a result, I must jam pack my day from start to finish. Every experiment and task is well thought out in advanced so that my day is organized and to some degree, choreographed, before I ever get to the bench. This is the only way I can optimize every minute. However, on Thursday, it's like old times. Thursdays are my day to work as late and as long as I want. I can stay until 2:00 a.m. if I desire.

The MXX free day came about after a rather embarrassing little melt down over my lack of productivity since arriving back at work. I was smack in the middle of a cloning hell which was eating up a lot of my time, I was editing papers for other people in the lab and to top it all off I still couldn't fit into my pre-pregnancy pants. So, I lost my shit and yelled at my husband about (1) how it seemed like everything was business as usual for him while my career was slowly making its way to the city sewer and (2) how unfair I felt it was that he still went to band practice and played out at clubs on a regular basis while I couldn't even contemplate extracurricular activities. I didn't even want extra-curricular activities, I just wanted to work more and damn it, that's not asking too much.

The current solution: I get one day a week where I can stay as late as I want. Not only can I add several hours to my work week, but I can also plan long experiments without rushing because they end 5 seconds before I walk out the door. So on Thursday, the hubby leaves work by 4:00 and my Mom keeps mini-xx until he can get home and I am free to toil away until the wee hours. (He gets home late on Tuesday b/c that is practice night.)

So far, it's working quite nicely. The only problem is that sometimes on Thursday I don't have enough work to do and don't need to stay late. If things don't go as planned at the beginning of the week, I won't be able to do the zillion experiments I planned for Thursday. To keep this to a minimum, I've learned that I must have a contingency plan for every Thursday so that I don't waste that time. I mean really, it's not like there is a shortage of shit I need to do.

A few states away

I'm out of town this week attending the International Conference on Gram-positive Pathogens in Omaha, Nebraska. The conference started tonight with a dinner buffer and the first of four featured presentations. This talk was given by Olaf Schneewind, who also works on Gram-negative organisms.

This is the first conference I have attended all by myself and it's a little strange, a little intimidating and a lot boring. Of course, it's only the first night. I'm sure I'll meet some people and conditions will improve. It's probably for the best that I am here alone, my networking skills are getting a little rusty.

Although I am already missing my little family, I am totally looking forward to three nights of uninterrupted sleep.

It just might work this time \o/

The situation: I'm slated to present a poster (blech, I hate posters) at an upcoming meeting. When the meeting is two weeks away, the clouds part, the sun shines and all my cloning problems are resolved.

The question: Now that the constructs are complete, can I get the strains made in enough time to do experiments and include the results on the poster? (I've wanted these results on the poster all along, but after I stumbled into a bad cloning patch, I resigned myself to leaving this data off.)

The Answer: If I work everyday between now and the meeting, don't make any mistakes and find a way to print my poster at the 11th hour, I can include the data.

Sidebar: I consider throwing in the towel before I even attempt this whirlwind of tasks. You see, this shit happens all the time. I have a breakthrough within two weeks of an important meeting or presentation and bust my ass trying to acquire new data to include on a poster or in the presentation. All signs point to things not working out, but I try anyway and attempt to just push through only to finally realize a couple of days from the deadline that there is no possible way to get everything done. As a result, I am exhausted, irritated and consider my poster or presentation completely lacking as it doesn't contain the new data.

Current Standing: Well, I didn't throw in the towel. I am t-5 days from the conference. The strains are made and almost all the experiments are complete. By the end of today I should actually be in a place where I can put the poster together. If things work out, this will be the first time that last minute data gathering doesn't end in a complete and total cluster fuck.

Seminars, meetings and clubs...just kill me now

I know that, at least in theory, journal clubs, group meetings, lab meetings and that fancy seminar given by a speaker from out of town are for my own scientific good. However, the fact that all of these things occur on a weekly basis is wearing me right the fuck out. My days are already a study in multi-tasking. I need to be productive. Just like everyone else I have deadlines and expectations to meet. Now that I have my own funding, I have progress reports that loom. I also have imaginary or self-created stresses, like worrying about my productivity post-child being compared to my productivity pre-child.

In the first month back at work, I know I wasn't all that productive, but I've seriously picked up the pace since then. I also want to prove to myself and any other nay-sayer, that I can still kick some scientific ass. As a result, my days are very busy and I get seriously annoyed when other work-related activities take me away from the bench. I feel like I need every minute. Seminars, meetings, whatever; they all cut into my day. Sure, they cut into it before, but now I can't just stay late. Of course, most of these things aren't optional, so I begrudgingly go and get nothing out of it. Why? Because I spend most of the time thinking about everything I need to be doing instead of listening and (hopefully) learning. Because of this, I get nothing out of these meetings and they truly do become a waste.

So what's a busy post-doc to do? Can I skip any of these meetings and not create a shit-storm for myself?

Lab meeting - For the most part, I don't actually mind lab meeting. I like to see what my co-workers are up to and provide (or receive) helpful suggestions. Besides, lab meeting takes place during lunch time, so at least I can multi-task my lunch.

Verdict: Skipping is not an option. Lab meetings are absolutely mandatory unless you are on vacation, sick, at a meeting or trapped under something heavy.

Group meeting - This is the departmental meeting. Sometimes people from other labs in the department present, sometimes people from other labs from local institutions present. Some of them are interesting, some of them are a snooze-fest. Like lab meetings, group meeting occurs at lunch so at least I can kill two birds with one stone.

Verdict: There are a lot of people that attend these meetings, so I'm not likely to be missed, but Magnum, PI attends them religiously, so missing too many is probably not an option.

Journal club: I fucking loath journal club, especially at post-doc university. The papers people choose are lame and I rarely ever get anything out of them. Plus, a dumb-fucking donkey from another department often attends these clubs and asks stupid and inane questions every five minutes. Also, they always run 10 to 15 minutes over.

Verdict: I think I can blow these off. Magnum, PI sees these more as required for students and I am not a student. Other post-docs in the department do not attend and nobody says boo about it.

Fancy seminar: To some degree, I think everyone should attend these. After all, I wouldn't want to give a talk at another institution and have only five people show up to listen. However, at least 50% of these talks are way, way, way out of my subject area. They are so far out that I would need to spend a week reading papers just to prepare to listen. Even then, I would still probably get lost half way through. This is because the speakers are invited by PI's from within the entire center and the center is composed of some very diverse departments. My department reminds of the sesame street song, "One of these things are not like the other."

Verdict: I think I will make an executive decision to only attend the seminars that I find (a) interesting or (b) are at least tangentially related to my area of research.

Final verdict: Attend lab meeting and the departmental meeting every week, attend the fancy seminars when I am so moved and give journal club the finger. This sounds much, much better.

What do you guys do? Do you attend every seminar or do you have the luxury of picking and choosing?

Spread the love around

Dear new lab person who shares my office,

I am really glad you joined the lab. You seem smart, funny and motivated and I really love your accent. However, it would be totally awesome if you could just sometimes, like once a day, ask someone else in the lab for help. I know for a fact that they know where all the media, tubes, glassware and equipment is located and I think they will at least point you in the general direction. And pretty please, with sugar on top, stop lingering behind me when I am working at the bench. This does not make me work faster, not to mention it is distracting me and making me less-inclined to want to help you. Maybe I am just weird, but I really don't like it.

Sincerely,

MXX

My big news in the form of a riddle...sort of.

If a game of ping pong represented funding, and I was the dude in blue, what would you guess happened to me?

If you guessed obtain my own funding, then you are correct. I actually received the good news back in June, but I didn't want to write about it until I actually received the fellowship money.

And yes, I did dance around just like that guy.

Some times you feel like you have the force. Other times, not so much.

When I first started working at post-doc institution, I felt pretty awesome. Experiments were working well, Magnum, P.I. was impressed with my performance, etc. Things were moving along quite nicely. During this period of bliss, I somehow became synced up with the building elevators. Almost every day the elevators doors would part just as I approached them. It was one hand wave away from using the force.

One year and 8 months into my post-doc, things are a bit different. I'm in the middle of a cloning debacle and it is seriously starting to wear me down. The building must sense my ineptitude as the elevators have ceased cooperating. It's not just that the doors don't open when I get to the elevator. The doors are already open when I get to the elevator, but when I choose to step through them, they decide to close and ram me back and forth like a pinball. It's like the building is mocking me. Not to mention, it kind of hurts.

Of course, I won't allow my ass to be kicked by an elevator. The simple solution is to just press the up button before walking onto the elevator, even if one of the elevators is already available (taunting you). However, it was way more fun when I could pretend I was using the force.

Nope, I don't have the ability to communicate with ESP.

After working here in post-doc lab for just over a year and a half, I've noticed a thing or two about how the lab is run. One of those things is that my mentor, Magnum, PI is a total puss about letting people go. As a result, there are a few individuals who, on a good day, qualify as useless. One such individual is in charge of (1) ordering, (2) sterilizing and (3) keeping certain lab items stocked (i.e. 50 ml conical tubes, sterile pipettes, tips of all shapes and sizes, 96-well plates, etc.) Because this person has a zeal for autoclaving, and nothing else, I will refer to them as the sterilizer (TS). TS does not exhibit any inclination for ordering or keeping items stocked. This causes me and many others in the lab to make frequent trips around the floor tracking down tips, tubes and missing orders.

Before I left on vacation, we were completely out of 200ul tips. TOTALLY FUCKING OUT. Like a great many other researchers, I use 200ul tips all day, everyday. These are essential and I get very upset when I do not have any. I get even more upset when I subsequently find that we are also out of conical tubes, small gloves and 5ml pipettes. Thankfully, I went on vacation before I located TS and punched them in their idiot face. Over the next week my rage and desire to punch idiot faces subsided and I returned to work to find everything restocked, except small gloves. I felt a sting of irritation when I noted this, but decided not to dwell. However, this all changed today.

Note: Before I left for vacation, I ordered a chemical. Suffice it to say, that if I order a fucking chemical it is because I need it, not because it comes in a pretty bottle or because I am trying to round out my collection of chemicals that start with beta or whatever the fuck. Yesterday, this chemical had not arrived. Of course, TS wasn't here, so I had to wait until today to have this glorious conversation and trip around the floor.

MXX: "TS could you please check on a chemical that I ordered two weeks ago. It really should have come in by now."

TS: "You haven't received it?"

MXX: "Noooo." (In my mind I am saying: NO YOU FUCKING IDIOT! Why do you think I am asking about it??!?!?!)

TS looks through orders and finds the order form I handed in, then informs me: "It came in, PersonX put it away."

MXX: "Thanks." I proceed to person X

MXX: "TS told me that you received a chemical that I ordered last week. Could you tell me where it's at?"

PersonX: "I gave it to that skinny guy in your lab." (note: that skinny guy is what person X calls my graduate student as person X doesn't bother to learn our names.)

MXX: "OK. Thanks." I proceed to skinny guy and ask him about the chemical, but he informs me the only thing he received for me was ligase, which I already knew about. So, I proceed back to TS.

MXX: "Soooooooooo. Person X claims they gave it to my grad. student. My grad. student only received ligase, not the chemical I am looking for."

TS (looking at packing slip again): "Let me call the company, it looks like the chemical didn't ship."

MXX: "uhhhhh, OK" (In my head: What fucking new magical information just appeared on the sheet that now explains it didn't ship, when 10 minutes ago, not only did it ship, but it was noted that a specific person put it away????!!!!!!!)

TS calls company and then turns to me: "Oh, that's right. The order was cancelled because the item was discontinued. Remember, I told you that."

MXX: "Really? When exactly did you tell me that?"

TS: "Last week."

MXX: "You mean, last week when I was on a rock in the middle of the pacific ocean?"

TS: "Yes."

MXX: "Seriously? Was this a psychic message or what? I WAS NOT here last week."

TS: "Hmph. Well, I know I told you."

MXX: : LOUD sigh. "Whatever!" (In my head: Must not kill useless idiot. Must not kill useless idiot. Must not kill useless idiot.)

I'm not the boss of you

There are a couple of graduate students who feel the need to make sure that I know how many hours they spend in the lab. First of all, I don't care how much time these people do or do not spend in the lab because:

(1) it's not my job

My job as a post-doctoral fellow is not too police how much or little graduate students work. I think that my job (right this minute) entails (a) conducting research, publishing papers, obtaining funding and acquiring skills that will assist in obtaining a tenure-track faculty position; (b) mentoring my little grad student with stinky breath, (c) acting as a sounding board for new ideas and troubleshooting for any lab member, (d) editing grants and other written items for my Magnum, PI and (e) random lab shit. I'm sure I've left something out, but you get the idea.

(2) it's really more about the quality and quantity of data you produce.

It's all about the data. As long as you are producing data at a reasonable pace and publishing papers, all is well. If you can do that working 3 hours a day, great. If it takes you ten hours a day, fine. I really don't care.

(3) it's not my lab.

I have no authority to reprimand someone if they choose to do nothing or not come to the lab.

And now for the point of this post:

I've started getting to the lab about an hour and a half earlier than what I used to as my child likes to get up at the crack of ass. Since this time, I've noticed that the people in my lab that were always talking about how they got to the lab by 6:00 a.m. NEVER get here by 6:00 a.m. In fact, it's more like 8:00 a.m. Maybe it's a coincidence. The same thing happened in grad. lab. There was one fellow grad student who whined endlessly about how they never could sleep in and were always in the lab by 5:30 or 6:00 a.m. Low and behold, when I start getting to work by 8:00 a.m. do to a schedule change, their sleeping problems suddenly vanished.

Like I said, I don't give a flying fuck when these people get to work, when they leave work or what they do while they are at work. I'm just surprised that people regularly take the time to lie about this shit.

Pimp my protein

Have any of you had to fill out a disclosure of invention form? At my institution and I assume, many other institutions, this is a prerequisite to filing a patent. Well, I am currently in the throws of filling out one of these forms and I am here to say that it blows ass.

I was initially very excited about getting a patent on one of the proteins that I engineered. That is, until I started the required paperwork. At first glance the disclosure of invention form seemed easy enough; you just answer the questions.

The questions appear as though they can be answered with a few sentences. No problem. I answer the questions and send it back to my PI for review. What I find out is that the answers I provided, while correct, are not what the lawyers want. What they actually want is a couple of paragraphs of bullshit that contains information that is, at best, tangentially related to the question written on the form.

So for my second attempt at the disclosure form, I elaborated on my answers and then sent the form back to my PI, who then informed me that it was not "sexy" enough.

I really don't think it is possible to sex up a disclosure application, but I give it a shot anyway. Grrrrr.

I just handed in attempt number three and hopefully it's bringing sexy back. Basically, I emphasized how novel my engineered protein was and how it was really awesome at doing what it does and that it is way better than the lame-ass proteins found in nature that function in a similar manner. I felt like I was pimping out my protein when I wrote the third version, so maybe I was on the right track.

It's back to work I go

I am so freaking excited to return to work tomorrow. If I've learned anything over the last six weeks, it's that I am not stay at home Mom material. Not that I am surprised.

My general goals for the week are simple.
1. Don't set yourself on fire.
2. Don't pour anything caustic on yourself.
3. Don't break anything expensive.

If I can avoid any of the above accidents, then I can focus on the really important questions that I will be asking myself (repeatedly) this week, including, but not limited to:

1. What the hell was I doing when I left?
2. What does this mean? (while viewing the last few pages of my lab notebook)
3. Where did I put those samples anyway?
4. How did I label those samples?
5. What in the hell do these abbreviations mean?
6. Why didn't I throw these plates out before I left?

Get back to where you once belonged

That is the theme of this week. Actually, my theme for this week is start the process of getting back to where you once belonged. This is the first week that I actually feel like a human. I'm adjusting to the sleep deprivation and mini-xx is getting into a routine which is allowing me to start accomplishing some non-baby related activities.

Work.
Although I didn't get all the experiments completed that I wanted before I began maternity leave, I did acquire enough data to start writing my first manuscript from post-doc lab. Since I want to get a good draft together before I return to work in a few weeks, I decided that I must get started writing this week. While I am happy to report that I did start writing, I am less thrilled about the progress I am making. Monday and Tuesday were down right painful. I found it difficult to concentrate and I could not get into a groove at all. On Wednesday, things weren't quite as painful and I actually managed to crank out an entire results section.

Appearance.
I also decided that this was a great week to start exercising again. After all, it's been two and a half weeks since the baby was born and three and a half weeks since I exercised at all. Not to mention, my best friend is getting married in Hawaii in August and I am in her wedding, which means I'll be in a ton of wedding pictures and I'll need to feel comfortable in a bathing suit. I wanted to start slow, so on Monday I started walking 2 miles a day. Next week I will increase the distance and start adding in some jogging. (I actually tried jogging this week, but my old sports bras don't really accommodate my near porno-sized boobs, so it was a bit painful.)

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I find my groove by next week.

Busy with a short fuse

It's been nose to the grindstone time for the last couple of weeks. Unfortunately, that's not really producing more data. It is, however, creating one tired and cranky microbiologist.

At this point, I am in the midst of troubleshooting. As we know, troubleshooting does not equal data. Therefore, I working more than 40 hours a week. Normally, this is not a problem. However, with less than two weeks to go until my due date, it's tiring. The internal battle isn't doing me any favors at the moment either.

Tired, pregnant me: "Fuck this shit. Just try to get done whatever you can within the amount of time that you have and let it go. It will be here when you get back"

Career-driven, microbiologist me: "Don't be such a whiny little bitch. If you don't get this stuff accomplished, you will be kicking yourself later. If you can be in a position to do some serious writing, you will have something you can work on from home and your transition back to work will go much more smoothly. Besides, if you try really hard and still don't get this finished then you'll dwell on it less as you know you did the best you could do."

Career-driven me is still wining, but tired pregnant me is making serious gains.

Productive, pregnant, postdoc - Post 3 or Who am I kidding?

Don't get me wrong. I really am making the effort to be productive. I put in extra hours to make up for the trillions of doctors appointments I must attend and I try to keep my schedule at work so that I don't waste too much time while I am here. You know, the whole work smarter concept.

The problem is, I'm not smarter. I feel like my brain is on strike and I make a lot of really silly mistakes that I normally do not make. Let's take yesterday for example:

1. While performing a plasmid prep, I dumped all my samples into the waste container instead of onto the filter (which is where they needed to go).
2. I forgot to heat shock half my transformations. I went straight from ice to the plate.
3. I inoculated all of my overnight cultures into media containing antibiotics. Unfortunately, none of my strains were resistant to that antibiotic. In fact, these strains aren't resistant to any antibiotics.

So, yeah. Now I am even more behind. The cloning is already going very slowly thanks to the fact that E. coli fucking hates the constructs I am making. I can't really control this, but I'm doing what I can to minimize the problem. However, the things I can control, like say, using the correct antibiotic, I keep fucking up as well, making a process that is already going way too slow, move at a glacial pace.

A dash of drama

I can say with almost absolute certainty that right now, my plate is full and my ability to deal with unexpected problems that are potentially disastrous is, well, lacking in grace. Blame it on hormones, lack of sleep, an over-ambitious work schedule, feeling like a fat blob...whatever. It just is.

I recently learned that one of the letters of recommendation required for my fellowship did not get uploaded onto the electronic form. I learned this after the deadline. The person responsible for this particular letter swears they turned in the letter. In fact, they are adamant that the letter got submitted before the due date and I believe them. I sent an email to my contact person at the granting agency explaining the situation, waited for a response and tried not to lose my shit.

On the one hand, I know my chances of getting the first fellowship I apply for is pretty slim, but putting that application together, while a great learning experience, was extremely time consuming and frustrating. I want it to at least get reviewed and not thrown out on some kind of technicality.

In the end, the association I applied to contacted my referent and ended up allowing them to send the letter of support through the mail. WHEW...

Talk about feeling relieved. I really expected the association to tell me they couldn't do anything since the deadline had passed. In fact, I was so sure of this response that I almost didn't even bother trying to rectifying the situation. Once I reminded myself how much work I put into the fellowship application, I decided that it couldn't hurt to try.

I cannot express how relieved I am that everything worked out and I am so thankful that the association I applied to allowed my referent to resubmit their letter of recommendation.

Productive, pregnant, postdoc - Post 2

As I stated in my last post of this nature, my goal for this week was to combine all three PCR products and get them ligated into the first vector, pGEMTeasy. In short, I failed. However, I did get quite a bit accomplished. For ease, I've posted the picture from last week. (Come on, you know you love it.)

As far as the PCR goes, I completed PCR round three for 20 of the 26.

Of those 20, 13 of the PCR products were successfully ligated into the first cloning vector and are getting sent off for sequencing today. (I am dreading looking at all this sequencing data. I freaking hate it! It bores me to tears.) I will ligate the remaining 7 PCR products (which I just obtained overnight) over the weekend and transform them on Monday.

So, in all, not quite where I wanted to be, but not exactly too far behind either.

My goal for the end of next week is to get the final 6 PCR products created (i.e. combine segments 1,2 and 3) and ligated into the first cloning vector. Obviously, everything needs to get sequenced. Finally, I hope to sub-clone at least half (that's 13) of the pGEMTeasy constructs into the final vector.