Good riddance 2010

Although 2010 brought great enjoyment to my life; the birth of my first child in April and submitting a successful post-doctoral fellowship application, Thanksgiving to Christmas sucked some serious ass. First of all mini-xx got sick and then my husband and I got mildly sick. Not that big of a deal. Just sore throats and snot. He chose to stay home for a few days, while I stayed home for one day. By the end of the week his mild sickness was gone and I was sicker than ever. I ended up staying home another three days with a horrible cough that didn't fully clear up until around Christmas. During that cold medicine-induced haze, I made and totally fucked up a reagent that is essential for an assay I am performing. Of course, I didn't realize at the time I messed it up. Oh no, that realization didn't come until the end of December after multiple assay failures. On the one hand - it was an easy fix. On the other hand - it was a stupid mistake and I feel like an idiot.

So far 2011 is going well. I am NOT coughing my ass off and my assay is working again! As a result, I should actually generate data again by the end of the week.

Although meager, the statement above is enough to make me pretty happy, but Magnum, PI recently informed me of something fanFUCKINGtastic. He is going to get me an anaerobic chamber. This is huge, because I need this piece of equipment to get my project for my own lab moving. No more band-aid solutions!!

I hope that everyone else is going strong on day 10 of 2011.

Sure, why not?

Magnum, P.I. informed me today that I was presenting at out next data club. This is something that we do with a few other lab. It is more work than lab meeting, in that it is an actual talk, but it is still considered informal.

I actually like presenting and getting feed back, but I'm not exactly bursting with free time inside or outside the lab right now and I'll need to prepare a lot of new slides since I haven't presented most of this data before.

Really though, what's one more thing? and Hey, at least I got to choose the date. :)

But I don't wanna

look at Magnum,PI's grant...again.

I know it's for my boss and I know he pays my salary and I know my writing and editing skills are better than his and I know that he was really happy with my first round of edits, but I just don't want to look at it again.

But, I will. My revisions will be in his inbox tomorrow morning.

It could certainly be worse. Magnum, PI's assistant tried to get me to put in all the references, but I put the smack down on that suggestion.

/whining. I'm over it now.

So you're funny now?

I think we’ve all experienced instances where our PI’s say something that makes us want to laugh in their face, particularly when it comes to experiments. For example, “Microbiologist XX, I know you just told me you were going map the 5’ end of your favorite transcript using primer extension, but do you think that will be finished by tomorrow?” Microbiologist XX suppresses laughter and replies “Well, our protocol requires at least two days to complete assuming that you already extracted your RNA, which I haven’t.”

The more time a PI spends away from the bench, the more they forget how long a particular protocol takes to complete. It’s amusing if things are going well, but if you’re already working your ass off and things aren't going as planned, it’s more likely to make you wish you could impale your PI with rusty spatula dipped in nitric acid.

Apparently, my post doc mentor is quite the comedian as well, but not intentionally. My goal is to submit grants by the end of this year/beginning of next year and obviously, more publications are better than less. Magnum, PI asked if I was working on a second manuscript with my graduate school PI and I informed him that I was indeed working on the second paper. Then, Magnum, PI asked me something terribly funny. He wanted to know if the paper would get submitted before my grant? It was all I could do not to laugh. He, of course, does not know that writing a paper with grad. school PI takes at least a year, if not more. He doesn’t know that we will go through 50 revisions. He doesn’t know that the last 25 revisions will center around rearranging 5 to 10 sentences and he also doesn’t know that the 40^th version of the manuscript is almost identical to the 27^th version. I do know these things, and the only way I can keep from losing my mind during the process is to find the humor.

Then it was my turn to accidentally make a joke. I asked Magnum, PI if he thought the paper we were working on would get submitted before my grant. He looked surprised at my question and I am pretty sure he wanted to laugh, but all he said was, “Of course it will. Why wouldn’t it be?” I almost fell out of my chair. Write and submit a manuscript in less than four months? Seriously?

I really hope that this is true. One of my biggest disappointments about grad school lab was how fucking long it took to get papers written and submitted and the fact that I graduated with 3 papers needing to get pushed out the door. I understand going through several revisions, but nitpicking individual sentences where the outcome is basically the same sentence is extremely frustrating.

Magnum, PI and the grant

Remember that grant I wrote about a few posts ago. Well, I've got it and it is typed, not hand-written. (o.O) Apparently one of the assistants typed it into the computer and then distributed it to certain lab members.

Because my writing skills are strong, Magnum, PI requested that in addition to reading the grant with a critical eye toward the science, that I also edit the writing and "turn it into English."

So, that is what I am spending my free time doing this week, as corrections are due by Friday. Once he gets all of the corrections and suggestions, he will either incorporate or ignore them and then send me one last version for final editing.

Let's hope it's the most well-written grant Magnum, PI has handed in, evah!!

Like I can say no

About a week ago Magnum, PI approached me in the lab and we conversed breifly. It was one of those situations that left me feeling both good and bad and it went something like this:

Magnum PI: Microbiologist XX!! How are things going?

MXX: Pretty good. I am in the final stages of purifying proteins and am on track to provide you with data from said proteins next week...

Mind of MXX: yeah, if nothing goes wrong.

Magnum PI: That is great. 

...silence...[play sound of crickets chirping]

Mind of MXX: Why is he still standing here?

MXX: Is there something else you want to discuss with me?

Magnum PI: Well, since you asked...I am currently writing a grant and I want to include the project you are working on. I take it you are up to speed on the literature?

MXX: Yes!

Mind of MXX: No!

Magnum PI: Then I am going to lean heavily on you to help me with that portion of the grant. 

MXX: OK. Not a problem.

Mind of MXX: This should be good. 

Magnum PI: Also, you are the strongest writer in the lab, so I want you to edit the grant and turn it into English.

MXX: For the part that pertains to me or for all of it?

Magnum PI: All of it needs to be turned into English.

Mind of MXX: Of course it does. 

MXX: OK. I can do that.

Magnum, PI: That's what I wanted to hear!!

Mind of MXX: No kidding. 

...Magnum PI walks starts to walk away and then stops...

Mind of MXX: Why in gods name did he stop moving away? Don't turn around, don't turn around...FUCK! He's turning around.

Magnum PI: Did I mention that I write everything on paper?

MXX: No

Mind of MXX: Fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck. 

[Manum PI starts walking away]

MXX: Can I use a red marker for the corrections? 

Magnum PI: Turns back, laughs, walks away.

Mind of MXX: Let's take that as a YES!! 

Let's break it down:

The positives: 

Boss trusts me to help him write a portion of his grant.

Boss knows my writing and editing skills are far superior to his own.

I'll gain more experience with grant writing. 

The negatives:

You just guaranteed yourself a marathon of paper reading to get "up to speed." 

You already have a shit-ton of work to do with the other lab projects, your pet project and the unfinished work from grad. school lab that you will probably be doing by yourself.

The worst negative:

You are going to edit a hand-written grant. wtf? WTF?