Pimp my protein

Have any of you had to fill out a disclosure of invention form? At my institution and I assume, many other institutions, this is a prerequisite to filing a patent. Well, I am currently in the throws of filling out one of these forms and I am here to say that it blows ass.

I was initially very excited about getting a patent on one of the proteins that I engineered. That is, until I started the required paperwork. At first glance the disclosure of invention form seemed easy enough; you just answer the questions.

The questions appear as though they can be answered with a few sentences. No problem. I answer the questions and send it back to my PI for review. What I find out is that the answers I provided, while correct, are not what the lawyers want. What they actually want is a couple of paragraphs of bullshit that contains information that is, at best, tangentially related to the question written on the form.

So for my second attempt at the disclosure form, I elaborated on my answers and then sent the form back to my PI, who then informed me that it was not "sexy" enough.

I really don't think it is possible to sex up a disclosure application, but I give it a shot anyway. Grrrrr.

I just handed in attempt number three and hopefully it's bringing sexy back. Basically, I emphasized how novel my engineered protein was and how it was really awesome at doing what it does and that it is way better than the lame-ass proteins found in nature that function in a similar manner. I felt like I was pimping out my protein when I wrote the third version, so maybe I was on the right track.

Get back to where you once belonged

That is the theme of this week. Actually, my theme for this week is start the process of getting back to where you once belonged. This is the first week that I actually feel like a human. I'm adjusting to the sleep deprivation and mini-xx is getting into a routine which is allowing me to start accomplishing some non-baby related activities.

Work.
Although I didn't get all the experiments completed that I wanted before I began maternity leave, I did acquire enough data to start writing my first manuscript from post-doc lab. Since I want to get a good draft together before I return to work in a few weeks, I decided that I must get started writing this week. While I am happy to report that I did start writing, I am less thrilled about the progress I am making. Monday and Tuesday were down right painful. I found it difficult to concentrate and I could not get into a groove at all. On Wednesday, things weren't quite as painful and I actually managed to crank out an entire results section.

Appearance.
I also decided that this was a great week to start exercising again. After all, it's been two and a half weeks since the baby was born and three and a half weeks since I exercised at all. Not to mention, my best friend is getting married in Hawaii in August and I am in her wedding, which means I'll be in a ton of wedding pictures and I'll need to feel comfortable in a bathing suit. I wanted to start slow, so on Monday I started walking 2 miles a day. Next week I will increase the distance and start adding in some jogging. (I actually tried jogging this week, but my old sports bras don't really accommodate my near porno-sized boobs, so it was a bit painful.)

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I find my groove by next week.

Aren't you forgetting something?

When I started this blog, I intended to write about (1) general lab life, (2) my experiences at different stages of my career and (3) microbiology. I tend to write the most about general lab life, although admittedly, this area needs improvement. I'm only on my second career stage, but I do try and post about things that I think are relevant. Again, I can certainly do a better job. However, the category that is most commonly overlooked is microbiology, which is a shame since the title of this blog contains the word Microbiologist. Sometimes I feel as if the word itself is taunting me, reminding me of my failure to post on the topic.

So, I've decided to implement "Microbe Monday" where I will post about something microbiology related on, yep, you guessed it, Mondays. I can't promise I will post every single Monday, but I am going to try and post on a regular basis. My ideas about this new feature are pretty vague. I know I don't want the posts to sound like lectures or something you would find on a Microbiology 101 website. However, I don't want them to be so specific that only a microbiologist would be interested or able to read them. I plan on starting next week, so I better at least have an idea about what I want to write by then.

The ever-elusive carrot

My graduate advisor is a classic carrot-dangler. Unfortunately, it takes forever to get her carrots and when you do, you are so irritated and annoyed that you don't even care about the stupid carrot, instead you want to jump up and down on the carrot or shove the carrot into a dark orifice not located on your own body.

In this case, the carrot is a publication. I believe my graduate advisor means well, but two things typically go wrong on her part and one thing goes wrong on my part. For her, the two problems, usually, are (1) a complete inability to manage her time, ultimately leading to missed deadlines (we're talking months here not days) and (2) an unwillingness to learn from past mistakes and avoid them. My problem boils down to one thing; I continually fall for her claims that things will go differently, resulting in unnecessary frustration and sometimes, homicidal rage.

Let's take the current paper-writing efforts grad advisor and I are making. We started this paper in May or June and she was adamant, adamant I tell you, that we submit it within months. Deep down I knew this was never, ever, EVER going to happen. Why? Because the last two papers I wrote with this person took over 1.5 years to complete. Not 1.5 years until publication, 1.5 years until submission. Not surprisingly, I received her corrections in September. "Fuck this shit," I thought to myself. I put the paper aside, but for good reason.

At the time, I was knee-deep in expressing proteins and getting very close to finishing up a few major experiments for a paper in post-doc lab. I know how paper-writing goes in post-doc lab and suffice it to say, that I could finish data for this paper, write the paper, submit the paper and get the paper published (with time for revisions) before my paper with grad advisor was even remotely close to getting finished.

October rolls around and I get an impatient email from grad advisor, asking for my revisions. She claimed she had all this free time for writing and really wanted to get the paper submitted before the end of the year. She really thinks this can happen if I just send my revisions. So, I send her my revisions the following Monday and guess what, I haven't heard jack shit. It's DECEMBER! Um, that's pretty much the end of the year according to my calendar.

I don't really care anymore that writing with this woman occurs at a glacial pace, but it infuriates me to get rushed along with the promise of reward when nothing happens. Hurry up and wait, hurry up and wait. What's worse is that I fucking fall for it. Mark my words, this paper won't see the journal submission page before this time next year. In the mean time, I'll write, submit, revise and publish a paper from post-doc lab (barring any horrible issues arising).

Damn it! I'm all in a huff about this.

I'm still here...

I've just been way too damn busy to write any blog posts and even worse, I haven't gotten to read any blogs either.

Anyway, I decided last week that this was going to be the week where I got my ass back into gear and started blogging again. Of course, the week before last, I had decided that last week was going to be the week, but clearly, that didn't happen. As I neared midweek, I was starting to think that maybe I would push things back again, but thankfully, I find myself at work, in between experiments with some time to blog.

I can't believe how insane things are right now. I've been purifying proteins like it's going out of style. Only four more to go at this point. I can't wait until an entire two-week period passes where I don't even so much as look at the FPLC. I'm sick to death of it.

On the plus side, I made some headway with the boring paper from grad school lab and I am about to start writing the paper that caused this protein purification extravaganza. I'm pretty excited to get a paper out under less than a year, but I am freaking exhausted.

During all this time away, I started writing my specific aims for the F32, but I didn't get very far. I really need to get moving on the grant writing, but it just keeps getting thrown to the back burner. Maybe next week...

Hope everyone in the blogosphere is doing well. I can't wait to catch up on everyone's posts.

The Lips and Assholes Paper

I've spent a large part of my day writing a manuscript from using data obtained from graduate school and I'm ready to explode. I blame this on two things: (1) Half of this paper is negative data and (2) The data is what I consider "left-overs."

Writing a paper half-full of negative data sucks ass for the obvious reasons. It is generally not as interesting as a paper based on positive data and, unfortunately, it takes a lot more effort to write. Plus, it seems like you are constantly justifying why the data is important which makes me feel a little more like a used car sales person than a scientist.

What's worse than writing about negative data is the fact that this paper seems to consist entirely of left over data. I previously hijacked a portion of the results and placed them into a paper that was recently accepted. Obviously this was a good idea, but now I am left with a hodge-podge of data that is related, but difficult to make into a cohesive story. The results outline I put together with my grad advisor regarding this paper seemed like a good idea at the time, but translating that discussion into a paper is not going so well.

I am so freaking irritated. I keep reminding myself that writing is a frustrating process, but I still want to smash my laptop.

Writers on the storm

Clearly, writing is an important part of science. I get this, but holy shit people, I can't believe the amount of writing that is in store for me.

First of all, I just started another manuscript from my dissertation. The last piece of data from my collaborators finally arrived and my grad. advisor is raring to get started on this paper, as am I. Fortunately, I have a decent rough draft of the results and materials and methods sections.

In my current lab, it looks like yet another first author paper is on the horizon. Initially, I thought that this data would add to another existing manuscript, resulting in a quick second-author publication. However, my results are starting to take over and Magnum, PI is leaning heavily toward changing the direction of the paper. I am likely to get the first author slot. Of course, this means I write the paper (as it should).

In addition to the paper, I am about to embark on my first grant-writing extravaganza. I am very excited about this and I am looking forward to getting all my ideas together. Even if I don't get funding, the process of writing the grant or fellowship is good experience and has the added bonus of forcing me to think about my project more thoroughly than I do on a day-to-day basis. But...the amount of time, effort and writing is certainly daunting considering everything else that is on my plate.

As of this morning, I felt ready for the challenge and confident that I could find enough hours in the day to write two first author manuscripts, a grant/fellowship and continue to churn out data. By the end of the day, those feelings were starting to disappear because Magnum, PI informed me that he wants me to write a review and soon.

This seems like a shit-ton of writing. Sure, it's not all starting on the same day, but based on my calculations, there is going to be some serious overlap.

Now, I am not quite sure how I am going to get all of this done and bust ass in the lab. Failure isn't an option, so I need to get organized and I need to get a plan. Unfortunately, all my thoughts right now contain multiple expletives and whining about how I hate organizing and planning.

I know, I know. Quite your damn complaining and get your shit together.

Magnum, PI and the grant

Remember that grant I wrote about a few posts ago. Well, I've got it and it is typed, not hand-written. (o.O) Apparently one of the assistants typed it into the computer and then distributed it to certain lab members.

Because my writing skills are strong, Magnum, PI requested that in addition to reading the grant with a critical eye toward the science, that I also edit the writing and "turn it into English."

So, that is what I am spending my free time doing this week, as corrections are due by Friday. Once he gets all of the corrections and suggestions, he will either incorporate or ignore them and then send me one last version for final editing.

Let's hope it's the most well-written grant Magnum, PI has handed in, evah!!