My Significant Other Does Something With Computers

I recently read and commented on a post over at a Mad Tea Party. Although my comment didn't add much to the conversation, I am short on ideas this week, so I thought I might elaborate. The post was about the benefits of being married to or dating somone who does not work in your field.

My fiance is a software developer, so what I can tell you is that he develops software for the company that employees him. I do not understand anything beyond that. I don't know how to write code, build a database for an enterprise or make/use pivot tables (whatever the hell those are). He has absolutely no idea what I do either. He tells people that I am a microbiologist and when pressed, he adds that I inoculate and do PCR.

Needless to say, we don't discuss work. We do discuss the people we work with, but not the actual work that we do. This is very good for me in particular because I have a problem bringing work home with me, so Mr. software developers (SD) inability to understand what I am saying prohibits me from talking about it all evening and weekend. Conversely, my inability to understand what he does keeps him from talking about work all the time too. Ultimately, Mr. SD saves me from my neurotic, work-obsessed self and I appreciate that.

On the other hand, I envy my co-workers who are married to or dating another scientist. I would love to discuss my work with Mr. SD and have him understand. I would love to tell him my craziest hypotheses, bounce ideas off of him and bust out my awesome sense of geek humor and have him get it. I think he would like to do the same, but in reality neither of us know how to put on the breaks.

Instead of work, we have spent the last 10.5 years talking about: music (specifically how bad-ass the Beatles and Radiohead are), our cats (specifically how ours cats are the cutest* and the best), Star Wars, video games, technology, etc. I am NOT implying that couples composed of two scientists don't talk about the same types of things AND science. I just don't know how much I would talk about those subjects if I could talk about science in excruciating detail with my spouse. Hopefully, I will never find out. :)

*Proof of cuteness below.


UPDATE: Mr. SD informed me that I didn't really give accurate examples of what he does. I told him they were probably on par with the PCR and inoculate.

Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?

I'm choosing to do my post-doc in the same city where I completed graduate school. Is it the right decision? I really don't know, and after finalizing the decision recently by formally accepting a post-doc position, I am starting to have reservations. This would happen either way, mind you. For myself, and maybe for others in a similar situation, I am going to revisit why I ultimately decided to stay. (Note: These are in no particular order.)

1 . Significant others career to consider.
My soon-to-be husband is doing very well in his chosen field (not a research scientist) at the moment, and the city we reside in is one of the best markets in the country for his profession. He can get the same job in another city, but in most of the places we looked at, the cost of living increase would not correspond to the same increase in salary for him because the market we currently live in pays extremely well. The opportunities in his field are endless in the city we currently reside in.

2. Money.
Reason one is tightly linked to reason two. We all know that the increase from graduate student stipend to post-doc salary is very small, so that would not help alleviate the cost-of-living increase mentioned in reason one. Furthermore, a post-doc salary can go a long way where we live now, and that is nice. This will allow us to save and invest more now, which ultimately results in more money for retirement in the long run. (I know, BORING. But, important and stupid not to consider.) So the bottom line, fiscally, for us, this makes more sense.

3. Good options for me. Yay!
The city I live in has a large medical center, multiple universities with research programs (so, lots of labs), a growing biotech industry as well as other types of industry. There are some pretty big names here, but not to the degree that a city like Boston would have. But still, very good options for me. These PIs are well-known and have produced post-docs that have gone on to get faculty positions as well. Post-docs in their labs often obtain their own funding, and this is something I completely intend on attempting. (Note: I have accepted a job in one such lab...whew.)

4. Families and friends are close.
We live reasonably close to both mine and my (almost) husbands families. If we start a family, this will be very helpful, considering we both plan on continuing to work outside the home. Having family close by to help out with these responsibilities would ultimately help mediate career goals, not hinder them.
We have close friends here too. Spending time with friends is one of the enjoyable parts of life. While I really like my chosen career path and can't really imagine doing something else, I think that enjoying life outside of work is equally important, at least to me.

Those aren't all the reasons, but they were the most significant. No one reason tipped the balance to stay, it was more of a combination of these reasons.