My plans for the evening were to eat, shower, veg. out on the couch and watch TV. However, my plans were fatally flawed because there is nothing worth watching (yeah, I know, I know, this is not new). It seems like television programming consists largely of the following:
1. Shows featuring people who raise a litter of children.
I do not find birthing, managing, raising, conceiving or even being around 8-17 children interesting or remotely entertaining. I also resent that these shows appear to portray these families as having financial difficulties when they are clearly getting paid to appear on the program.
2. Shows about brides.
Jesus fucking christ people! The commercials alone make me want to blow my head off. Who are these stupid bitches, the douchebags who are marry them, the friends who put up with them and the awesome parents that raised such a waste of space? Actually, I don't want to know. Besides, are weddings that interesting? No, they're not.
3. Shows about housewives, fictional or not.
Seriously, these are not housewives. These are people that worship money. They are stupid, embarrassing and completely devoid of any actual personality. Also, please tell me the whole wife-swapping crap is almost over. How about a show about a woman who works and raises a child or children? I guess since she might not have enough time to fake-bake, get drunk over lunch, gossip or shop for designer clothes at every opportunity, that it just wouldn't be very interesting.
4. America's next top _____________.
OK, America's Next Top Model was entertaining for a few seasons and I really liked Project Runway, but exactly how many more renditions of this theme are we going to go through? I thought that we reached the bottom of the barrel with animal grooming, but who am I kidding, something even more ridiculous is surely on the horizon.
5. Shows about psychics and/or the paranormal.
It's not real. Besides, you are never going to convince me of a paranormal experience by presenting my with a professionally edited and produced video.
The only thing that makes the existence of these shows tolerable is watching Joel McHale poke fun at them on The Soup.
Note: Aside from ANTM and Project Runway, I've never actually made it through an entire episode of a single one of these shows, so I am more than willing to admit that my assessment of how tedious and annoying they are might actually be wrong. Maybe at the end of each episode, everyone learns a lesson and serves food to the less fortunate.