Tuesday, August 11, 2009

An open letter to the I.T. department

Dear I.T. staff,

You dumb fucking donkeys are completely useless. I glimpsed this on my first day at post-doc institution when you walked into my office, hung your head, sighed and said in a defeated voice, “Great. You use a Mac.” Remember, I connected my computer to the network printer while you watched. I assumed your ineptitude was Mac-specific, but today I realized that it’s likely technology-specific.

I'm not going to lie. It’s disconcerting to find out that the network at this university is infected with a virus, but it's totally fucked up, to learn that the network became infected with this virus over three weeks ago and no one informed the people who hook their computers up to said network until today. Apparently, you didn't think it was a big deal a few weeks ago because only a few computers were infected.

Do you jackasses even know what a goddamn computer virus is? I think you don’t, and since your unlikely to get fired, I feel the need to at least try and educate you.

A computer virus is a computer program that can copy itself and infect the computer without the permission or knowledge of the computer operator. Furthermore, the virus can spread to other computers via floppy disk, CD, DVD, USB drive and networks.

Still confused?

Computer programs are instructions for a computer. A computer is a machine that manipulates data according to a set of instructions. A machine is any device that uses energy to perform an activity.


Microbiologist XX


post-doc said...

I'm going to be calling people 'dumb fucking donkeys' all day today. Probably not out loud, but still.

chall said...


that is so strange.

But considering my own run ins with IT and HR the last couple of weeks, I'd go with "really? I'm strange because I actually DO my job properly?" 'coz you know, they actually don't....

hope you get that fixed!

microbiologist xx said...

post-doc - LOL! Even saying it in your head is fun. Enjoy! :)

chall - Seriously, how hard can these jobs be. I realize they probably put up with a lot of complaining, but no one forced them to take those positions. The network getting infected, not their fault, but deciding not to inform anyone is just retarded.

chall said...

MXX. I would assume the same. Especially since "not telling people about the virus" means MORE work for them.... not smart.

PhizzleDizzle said...

that's pathetic!

and I'm with post-doc. dumb fucking donkeys is my new favorite phrase!

Krazy Kitty said...

Best IT support I've ever had was when it was run by students. Because they were dedicated people who didn't mind pulling an all-nighter to fix the problem for the good of the community of users. Well, I'm not asking such a level of dedication from paid IT... but still... *sigh*.

microbiologist xx said...

chall - Maybe they are dumber than donkeys. :)

PD - Dumb fucking donkeys just kinda rolls off the tongue.

Krazy Kitty - I've never experienced an IT run by students, but after this, I'd be willing to give it a try. Hell, my Grandma could probably do a better job.

Unbalanced Reaction said...

That's so messed up! Any computer here infected is immediately blocked from the network. I think this is great. My coworkers disagree, but then again, I have a Mac. :)

microbiologist xx said...

UR - I'm always glad that I use a mac, but even more so when we found that out.